Ego-Alter

Sometimes I say to people, "Yeah I'm a dancer. It's kinda my alter-ego." Well I've decided that's not really true. I think, in fact that it is the other way around--that dancing is my ego, my center, my essence, and any other component of me simply revolves around the fact that I am a dancer. I may not get paid for doing it, I may not do it in a studio every day, and I may not even be very good at it, but to say that I am a dancer is not a lie. It may actually be the truest thing I could say.

In class, Byron said that dance is his voice, the way he expresses himself, and when he is limited, it is up to us to be his voice. I am so honored to provide this reflection to him. Byron's class is the one remaining guaranteed inspiration in my life. As I have grown before Byron and with Byron, my ego has altered. I have learned humility and how to quietly shine wherever I may end up standing in the room. I have learned that what matters is the movement and the passion and the emotion, not the image in the mirror or the way I look next to anyone else. To dance without inhibition is to be alive. To connect with others through the choreography is the most primitive and elegant message in the universe.

Given all the restrictions I have encountered in my dance career, physical, financial, geographical, I have always found a way to move. I have taken some pretty sour classes and some pretty awesome classes, and if I have ever gone without dance for more than several weeks, I have felt some indescribable empty space somewhere in my chest. I try to substitute other options, more convenient, or cheaper (yoga, kick-boxing, pilates, walking the dog) just for the sake of movement. Dancing up and down the hallways of my little condo still provides more emotional satisfaction that any of those pastimes.

In my next life--one of many I have planned--I will pursue a career and a life of dance. If I have done well in this life, maybe I will reincarnate with the "dancer's body" that I have always dreamt of (Byron being the ONLY dance teacher who has managed to compliment my "instrument" in all its short squat glory). Until then, I'll follow the Buddhist life and continue to "suffer" through the poverty that deprives me of a physical existence based on dance, and be satisfied and pleased with the opportunities that I do have. Each moment my body is allowed to move as I want it to is a gift, and for this I am grateful.